Have you been watching the Winter Olympics?
I have.
Well, some of it. Okay, like 20 minutes. (Okay, the highlight reels.)
Is it just me, or are the Winter Olympics kind of like the ugly stepsister of the “Real Olympics”? Very few people actually get all hyped up about the Winter Olympics like they do for the Summer Olympics. Not saying it’s fair, folks, I’m just making an observation. Is it because more than half of the world remains unexposed to these wintery sports? Probably. In fact, I couldn’t play hockey if I wanted to. First off, no ice rink. Second, who’d play with me? Third, I’m not positive there are even rules to hockey. I pretty sure you just skate around as fast as you can, the ref blows a whistle from time to time, and then you shove an opponent into the wall for gettin’ up in your business.
I love hockey.
But there are other winter sports I have no access to. Speed Skating. Ice dancing. Luge. Bobsledding. Oh, and that sport where you get on skis, go straight down a roller coaster ramp, and then launch youreslf 300 feet in the air so that you can do flips. I’ve never even SEEN a ramp like that. Ever. And on that same token, how does one discover that they are perfect for that sport? You can’t just jump up there and go for it, can you? Same with luge. Where do you practice freaking luge? Have you ever been out riding around in the lower 48 states and seen a luge course? Do you discover one day during a huge snow storm that you’re pretty darned awesome at riding your Walmart Snow Bullet in the park and decide it’s time to look for a place to hone your skills? And who, pray tell, decided it was a good idea to strap themselves onto a miniature death trap, no padding, and launch themselves down an ice covered ditch at 90 miles per hour? That’s insane… and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal, too.
For that matter, who thought of MOST of these Winter Olympic sports? Most all of them simply involve avoiding death. Did you see the women downhill skiers? It’s a wonder they didn’t break legs and arms and heads with all that falling down they did. It was heartbreaking to watch. But, I am glad Christie Brinkley won. (yes, I now know that she isn’t Christie Brinkley. She just played Christie Brinkley on the cover of Sports Illustrated.) She looked really cute with her husband and Americans rock.
So anyway, these sports. I am thinking it’s kind of not fair. For example, Shawn White. Great athlete, no question. But half pipe. In the Olympics. Why is that an Olympic Sport any more than riding a skateboard in a half pipe? Are skateboarders doomed to the X Games? Why can’t skateboarders like Tony Hawk be in the Summer Olympics? What’s the difference? Is it because there are only about 7 different sports in the Winter Games and they’ll take anything remotely wintery? Why, yes, yes it is.
Take curling, for example.
Ice + Stones+ Sweeping = Sport. If you haven’t seen it, let me sum it up for you. Someone wearing spandex pushes a big round rock in a straight line. More people in Spandex take brooms and clean the ice in front of the stone at the speed of light. The Stone stops at the end on some kind of dart board. The end. Can you imagine how clean the kitchen floors of those athletes must be? Of course, the cleanliness is probably limited to a straight line from the fridge to the table, but still. I bet you could eat off that line. Maybe they do eat off that line. Maybe that’s how they practice.
Now, if you’ve been on the net at all since the start of the Games, you’ve no doubt seen pictures of the pregnant Canadian Curler.
Pregnant+Ice+Stones+Sweeping= SPORT. Still a sport.
Herein lies where I missed my calling.
When I was 8 months pregnant, I decided we NEEDED a patio on the back of our house. A really big one. With stone walls. So I made Jon build it. And he did, with the help of a few friends. He jackhammered out the old sidewalk, he used a skidsteer to level the area, he put in the rebar, he smoothed the concrete, he sealed it. Really nice work.
And I would have helped, but hello? I was pregnant. And it was July and really hot. So, when it came time for the stone walls to be built around it, I was the moral support. And the sweeper. As Jon would move the stones from one place to another (some were well over 50 pounds each and I would discover they MUST be moved for one reason or another) and then fill them in with tiny little stones & mortar, I would sweep out the loose stones. But then I got tired of sweeping, and it was way nicer to sit in the lawn chair and eat popsicles. So see?
Pregnant+Ice+Stones+Sweeping= SPORT. Pretty much the exact same thing. I missed my calling. Unless the popsicles make it a summer sport, in which case I guess I’m screwed when it comes to the Winter Olympics.
Oh yeah, and I am too fat to don a hockey outfit. Those things are just not flattering. Talk about adding 10 pounds.
So, later folks. I’m off to Walmart to upgrade to a better sled and see if Tony Hawk wants to come with me.
Look out 2014.
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haha! so true…
I get WAY more pumped for the summer olympics. What about the insane skill of multitasking in the kitchen? If need be I am pretty sure I can whisk some batter using my left foot while my hands knead bread dough (and of course my right leg/foot are holding me up). Foodnetwork, I have a proposal for you…
Bwahaha…my husband loves watching curling. I don't get the hype either. Glorified shuffleboard is what it looks like to me!
Hahaha great post. I'm totally with you about the curling. How do you ever get involved in a sport like that? Unfortunately my boyfriend actually likes watching curling! Then again he will pretty much any sport. Oh and the funny thing is that I was having the "how would you know you good at some of these sports?" conversation the other day. It just doesn't make sense.
Hee-heelarious. I've had some of those same thoughts too. Night before last after seeing that sweet child hurling through the air and tumbling across the concrete like snow while her skis are ripping off of her legs just left me feeling, well, a little sick.
Her poor mom.
Wow! You covered it!! However, we beg to differ at this house we're all about the Winter Olympics…and we can totally imagine flying off into the air for a winter sport.
Kids + Wallmart Sled + Icy Hill in Backyard + Trees = Primitive Backyard Olympics the place where dreams either live or are smashed!
And yes, I sip tea, warm inside and encourage them to do this!! It's a crazy place this Minnesota! We mother's here should get the medal for fostering it all! (and yes my husband trained on the very hill as our gold medal winners!)
~Chris Ann (MN Mother Medal Wanna Be)
lol, I don't understand or get the Curling sport. I've only heard of in the last few years and thought they were kidding! Olympic sport?? lol
I like the winter games for the ice skating and speed skiing jumps, but I love the summer games for track and field (my school sport)and Sync. swimming. =)
I felt the same way! I sat watching figure skating last night thinking, "I coulda been a contender! Minus the whole coordination, talent and athletic ability, I could SO don sparkly suits and make dramatic arm gestures as I dance!"
Okay, so I really have had no shot whatsoever at any Olympic sport, but a girl can dream, right?
Instead, I'm just as happy baking cookies and watching other people take to the ice.
I've never gotten curling either. I have become quite addicted to watching the biathletes, though. Ski ski ski ski ski stop SHOOT.
Haha, great post! I've totally been sucked into the Winter Olympics at night this week- damn you Bob Costas with your never-aging ways!!
I actually love the Winter Olympics much more than the Summer O's! The skiing, the snowboarding, the speed skating, the moguls – love love love. Not to mention the Hockey!!!
If it isn't hockey, I'm not watching the Winter Olympics…well, except for curling…there is something so riveting about watching to see if the big stone will knock the other big stone off the end of the dartboard! :-p
Haven't seen the pregnant curler yet…
Once upon a time some people who lived in a horrible cold place went insane because it was too cold to do anything outside and they were bored as hell inside… so they tried to kill themselves by doing bizarre things… however, some of them failed to die… and they realized it was a thrill to throw themselves off mountains and whatnot and not die. Thus we have Winter Olympics. (At least that's how it happened in MY mind.)
=h=
How funny! You might get a laugh out of the fact that, as I was walking home late last night from having dinner with a friend, I saw a whole GROUP of GROWN men (not kids!) whom the Winter Olympics seem to have inspired to try sliding down the snowy hill in Isham Park in Inwood … don't know WHAT they were sliding on!
LOL. Hilarious. I'm not really into the Olympics at all. And it really bothers me that the snowboarders competed with their ipods on. It's so incredibly dangerous to snowboard that way, and then to glorify it in the Olympics? Yuck.
We've only recently tried winter sports, living on the East Coast. I grew up in Texas, where the most 'sporty' thing I did in summer was float down the Guadalupe river in a giant inner tube, beer in hand. Now *that* should be an Olympic sport.
Hurling is a different sport, for sure. It kind of reminds me of Shuffle Board.
Keith (@LastBite)
I was laughing while drinking my tea this morning at your comments…..I asked my husband when snowboarding was added to the winter olympics…he did not remember but if they were added why didn't they add skateboarding and motocross to the summer olympics and all those dirt bike tricks….i mean a dirt bike is just a luge with wheels right?
I had my olympic dreams back when dorothy hammil and her hair were the rage…..close as I got were the years of lessons and the haircut…..then came nadia and the gymnastics lessons….so if i read this right, olympics = jobs for coaches to train talentless kids? except this winter television schedule has them on too late for most kids to even watch! HATE this edited repackaged programming they are doing! but love your post!
I kinda enjoy curling. It's probably the only sport I might/could do! I've got years of training in sweeping!
I think I'm the only Olympics hater I know…
I am a fan of any figure skating in the Winter Olympics, Then for the Summer ones I like the diving.
ROFL! But I have to admit that I adore the Olympics! Winter, Summer… Makes no difference to me – if it's Olympic, I'll watch it! Even curling. And you would have been spectacular!
Ha- I loved that story! & yes you are totally right about the Winter Olympics… who comes up with these death trap sports of sorts & what parent in their right mind goes… "why yes honey you can join the luge team & hurl yourself in a tiny metal car down a 90mph track made of ice… wear a helmet!" LOL
xoxo
I don't know that people discover they are perfect for some of the less obvious sports, so much as they are recruited. My cousin was hand-picked at his MN high school to go to Lake Placid and train in Luge because of his body type and personality, I guess. I love the winter olympics and think it's way more interesting than summer. At least speed skating has the danger factor, what does track have?
Haha! Love it. My husband and I were having the "Is there actually ever any snow in XYZ coutry? Where do they practice?" discussion last night.
And I want to know why gymnastics is part of the Summer Olympics – I mean, they do them indoors! I'd call that a non-seasonal sport, wouldn't you?
Loved your post. I live in the land where Christy Brinkley first learned to ski…beautiful Minnesota, except, I do NOT Participate in Winter. Played "Powder Puff" hockey (with a sponge puck) in the 70's, on figure skates I might add.
I am counting the days until my youngest graduates so we can live in CA, at least half time. I am too cold to do anything…except cook and bake, so think about picking me for your Le Cruset give-away!!
P.S. Love your blog, I will pass the word.
You know I never thought much of curling until this year's Olympics. I found my self totally engrossed in a match the other day and now I can't get enough. I really don't do any winter sports other than snow shoeing. I'm clumsy enough without adding snow and ice!
I'm watching curling as I read this and laughed outloud!! Next time you get invited to Martha keep going North to Lake Placid. The bobsled run is open to the public. You can give it a try.
It also involves avoiding death: brain freeze is the silent killer. Feels like it, anyway.
I love BOTH Olympics! I think it is amazing that more joints and limbs aren't shredded. I love to watch the male figure skaters defend their masculinity and then don a feathered outfit to skate to a gold! I also love to watch for all the bad haircuts on the figure skaters, i think it prerequisite, sorta the same for the Chinese high divers. (They have got to have the worst hair of all Olympians)I just picture orthopedic surgeons passing out business cards in the crowds, maybe a few beauticians too!
You're too funny. But very nice since you're giving away Le Creuset.
The sport of curling is totally baffling to me but my Hubby & son LOVE it!
I've really enjoyed living in Virginia. Coming from Florida, I'm more than happy to have seasons. However, your mention of popsicles has made me totally ready for summer, haha.
Well, I was always more into the winter olympics than the summer. Then again, I was a figure skater growing up. And yes, I live in Tennessee, in the south, but we do have an ice rink here. But once the whole Nancy Kerrigan event happened, I fell out of love with the Olympics and competitive skating altogether.
I 100% agree with you about the snowboard halfpipe. If they get to do that in the winter, then there should be skateboarding in the summer olympics. Period!
Oh and during our recent snow storm, I created my own ski jump/luge/X-Games worthy event. Sledded down the hill behind my house, hit a ditch and went airborne. My back still hasn't forgiven me for it at all!
I read it once and read it again – do I two more chances? LOL
I haven't ever really been into the Winter Olympics. So I haven't watched even one nanosecond of them!
I love the winter olympics (as much as summer). Speed skating, skiing and figure skatng are our favs and we will sometimes stay up late to watch certain events…we're odd like that
We've been watching curling off and on this olympics- finally getting the hang of it! (and thanks for another chance to enter
I like the winter Olympics. I grew up in Canada, on Vancouver Island actually, so I'm watching these ones a lot.
I love the hockey. When US and Canada go head to head, it's the BEST. And Curling. Ok so it's really weird, it's like lawn bowling with ice and brooms, but it's still fun to watch. Even better with copious amounts of beer.
And the figure skating!
There always seems to be some scandal surrounding the winter Olympics, too, so that's always fun to watch.
The only thing I could be a Olympic athlete for would be the best couch jockey. I RULE at that.
Great post! I too keep looking at the tv screen asking anyone around "how is this an olympic sport"
Great post! I too keep looking at the tv screen asking anyone around "how is this an olympic sport"
lol lol lol..You are tooo damn funny!
Great post. Made me smile and LOL.
Great Post. Brought a huge smile to my face.
I Love second chances! Thanks for the post!
1. I think the popsicles make it a winter sport (hello, ice!).
2. Thank you for talking about curling. I giggled loudly over your commentary. I don't understand how many of the winter "sports" count as something that deserves an olympic gold medal but sweeping and rock throwing? If that had been a sport when we were kids, all of us country folk would be champions!
3. What about the 2 man luge? How did that one get invented? It wasn't enough to strap yourself to a board and slide down that ditch at 90 mph…you decide that it's better if your brother lays on top of you?
That was a funny post- maybe you should petition to create a new winter Olympic sport- of being domestic! It REALLY takes some skill!
LOL Winter olympics are much more thrilling to watch then the summer olympics… There's no threat of death or dismemberment in the summer olympics. It's human nature to want to see crashes and such…
And curling, imagine getting that rock to the foot?? yeah, you'd be broken..
I loved the winter olympics as a kid…back when I was cocky enough to think I could mimic it Not so much these days. But I love to watch my kids watch it an dream those samedreams!
The fact that snowboarding is an Olympic sport somehow makes me feel really old.
The fact that snowboarding is an Olympic sport somehow makes me feel really old.
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